Danielle | Germany

The God who remains sovereign,
even when we don’t understand what He is doing.

Sometimes, God simply asks us to obey… without explaining why.
But what happens when we trust Him despite not understanding?

At first,

that Sunday morning,

seemed like any other Sunday.

I had woken up exhausted,

but grateful to see a new day.

Then a phrase my sister often says came to mind:

“A new day, a new grace,
the same God and Father.”

I smiled

and thanked my Father for this new day.

And I asked Him to give me the strength
to get through that day,

because my friend Ruth was coming over that afternoon.

— The name has been changed
to protect her privacy.

Because of my illness, 

I was no longer able to wash my hair by myself.

So once a month,

she would come to my home after church

with her husband and children.

I went into the kitchen,

wondering what I could prepare
so that they would have something to eat
when they arrived.

I asked the Holy Spirit to show me what to prepare.

I peeled a Charentais melon
and then put it in the refrigerator.

I also thought about adding some potato chips,

because I knew her children liked them.

To my surprise,

the Holy Spirit asked me to take the braised fish
out of the freezer.

So I did.

Then He told me to take out the braised pork,

along with the fried ripe plantains.

I obeyed,

but I didn’t understand.

I asked Him:

“Why do You want me to take all of this out?”

I received no answer.

Instead,

He had me take out even more fried ripe plantains,

as well as breaded fish for the children.

Then He told me to take two bottles of fruit juice,

some water,

and small juice cups for the children,

and put everything in the refrigerator.

I said to Him:

“Papa, I don’t understand what is happening…”

But again,

there was no answer.

I went to pray as I did every morning
and asked Him again in prayer

why He was asking me to take all this food out
of the freezer.

But on that question,

there was complete silence.

I was puzzled,

but I had obeyed.

I said to Him:

“Papa, I don’t understand
what is happening, but I know
that You are still in control.”

After my prayer,

I sent my friend Ruth a message asking her
to let me know when she was leaving church.

I wanted to put all the food in the oven to warm it up
before they arrived.

Around 2:30 p.m.,

I still hadn’t heard from her.

But the Holy Spirit prompted me
to go and put the meal in the oven to warm it up.

Again,

I didn’t understand…

but I obeyed.

About ten minutes later,

Ruth messaged me to say that they had left church
and were coming with Esther, a sister from church.

— The name has been changed
to protect her privacy.

A few minutes later,

she messaged me again:

“By the way, today is Joseph’s birthday.”

Joseph is her husband’s name.

— The name has been changed
to protect his privacy.

And then…

suddenly…

all the confusion of that morning disappeared.

The preparations suddenly made sense.

I was so happy

that I had obeyed.

Then Papa gave me the strength to get up again
and quickly set a festive table for Joseph’s birthday.

When they arrived,

everything was ready and set out on the table.

All I had to do
was take the hot food out of the oven
and put it on the table.

And the most amazing part of the whole story was this:

The Holy Spirit had prompted Emmanuel,

their ten-year-old eldest son,

to invite their friend Esther
to come and celebrate his father’s birthday.

— The son’s name has been changed
to protect his privacy.

It was simply incredible

to see how God had orchestrated all these events.

God had prepared
the surprise celebration

and had even arranged for a surprise guest.

And this surprise celebration deeply touched his wife,
Ruth.

She went into the kitchen
under the pretext of bringing out some food,

so that she could cry.

Later, she told me

that she had not planned
to celebrate her husband’s birthday at all

and was therefore especially moved.

She was so deeply touched by God’s goodness.

I don’t know what Papa said to her,

but she kept repeating:

“Now I know and I see
that God loves me.”

“Now I know and I see
that God loves me.”

“Now I know and I see
that God loves me.”

And I thanked the Lord

for allowing Him to use me

to speak to her

and to show her His love that day.

I was filled with gratitude,

and my heart overflowed with joy
to have been an instrument of my Father

to bless this family on that special day.

Sometimes,

a simple act of obedience
in the little things of everyday life,

even when we don’t understand what God is doing,

can make all the difference and change the way
the people around us see

our God and Father.

Because even when we don’t understand
what is happening,

our God remains sovereign

and is still in control.

He had orchestrated everything.

Even when we don’t understand,
God remains
our greatest conductor!

That day reminded me of these words:

“ It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed,
because his compassions fail not. 
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.” 
— Lamentations 3:22–23 (KJV)

Yes,

the goodness of our Lord is renewed every morning.

Sometimes,

all we need to do is open our eyes

to see it.

And sometimes,

we need to trust Him first before we understand

what He is doing.

Because even when we don’t understand,

our Father already sees

the whole picture.

We often see only one small piece of the puzzle.

But He sees the whole picture.

He knows where each piece belongs,

and He can lead us,

step by step,

until everything comes together according to His plan.

So even when we don’t understand what He is doing,

let us choose to trust Him.

Our Father sees what we can’t see.

My prayer for all of us is that

our God and Father would open our eyes every day,

so that we would not miss any of the little signs
He gives us in our everyday lives,

out of His love for us,

and that in everything,

we would give Him all the glory.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways,
and my thoughts than your thoughts.“
— Isaiah 55:8–9 (KJV)

✦ Danielle | Germany ✦

Danielle | Germany

Between pain, silence and confusion.

← Read Part 1 ✦ Read Part 3 →

I thought I could handle everything.
But inside… everything was falling apart.

I thought I could keep going.

Just move forward.
Do what needed to be done.
Keep living as if nothing had changed.

But deep inside…

something had gone out.

Not a peaceful silence.

A heavy silence.
Suffocating.
An emptiness that kept growing inside me.

I got up every morning.
I did what had to be done.
I talked to people.
I smiled.

On the outside…

everything seemed fine.

But in truth…

I was no longer really there.

Something inside me
had shattered.

And I didn’t even realize…

how far I had already fallen.

For a long time,
I thought it was “just” sadness.

That time would eventually heal everything.

But about a year later,
I was admitted to a clinic
for treatment of a lumbar disc herniation.

And that was when…

another word appeared.

Depression.

When the doctors said it,
I was surprised.

Because I was still functioning.

I could talk.
Smile.
Handle daily life.

And yet…

inside…

I was exhausted.

Empty.

As if pain had slowly consumed
everything that was left in me.

At the clinic,
I began speaking with psychologists.

And the more I talked…

the more I realized
how much suffering
I had buried deep inside myself.

All that time,
I had kept moving forward.

Like someone on autopilot.

Without ever truly stopping
to look at what was happening inside me.

After leaving the clinic,
I needed ongoing psychological care.

But in Germany,
the waiting lists are long.

Very long.

I was told
I would have to wait about a year.

A year.

When you are already fighting battles inside yourself,
even a single day
can feel endless.

And despite everything…

I kept moving forward.

But deep inside me,
the struggle was still there.

Especially with God.

Because despite everything I had experienced…

I did not understand God.

I kept praying.

But my prayers had changed.

They were no longer filled with hope.

They were filled with pain.

I cried out to God.

I questioned His silence.

I could not understand
why He had not answered my prayers.

Why He had not healed my mother.

Why He had taken her from me
so early.

I could still see His hand moving
in certain areas of my life.

But I could not feel gratitude for any of it.

Because all my attention
was fixed on what I had lost.

And this question
kept returning again and again:

Why?

Why her?
Why now?
Why so soon?

I did not want to hear anything else.

I just wanted my mother.

“How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever?
how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
 How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
having sorrow in my heart daily?“
— Psalm 13:2-3 (KJV)

✦ Danielle | Germany ✦

Danielle | Germany

Loss, pain and inner brokenness.

Everything collapsed inside me.  
And I had no control anymore.

Covid.  
Lockdown.  
Pain.  
Loss.  
Helplessness.

The world stopped.  
And for me… everything fell apart.

It was a Saturday morning.

A quiet morning.  
Almost ordinary.

I had woken up gently,  
with that rare feeling of lightness.

I was on leave.

Finally.

A week to breathe.  
To slow down.  
To live differently.

I had plans.  
So many ideas in my mind.

And above all…  
I was happy.

And then…

the phone rang.

It was my aunt.

From the very first seconds,  
I knew something was wrong.

Her voice was shaking.

She told me my mother  
had collapsed in the middle of the market.  
That she had been rushed to the hospital.

And in an instant…  
everything shifted.

My reality changed.

Everything happened so fast.  
Too fast.

The days that followed were a battle.

A battle in prayer.  
In decisions.  
Against time.

I was searching for solutions.

I refused to accept  
that this could end badly.

I wanted to bring her to Europe,  
to be close to me.

I kept telling myself  
she would have better chances here.

But the lockdown had just begun.

Borders were closing.  
One after another.

As if every door  
was shutting right in front of me.

Everywhere…  
the same answer.

Impossible.

One door closing.  
Then another.

There was one last option.

To operate on site.

I held onto it.  
Like a final hope.

But even that…  
was not possible.

Specialized doctors were stuck in Europe.
They couldn’t come.

And that’s when…

I started to understand.

I had no more solutions.  
No more control.

There was nothing I could do.

That feeling…  
of total helplessness…  
I had never known it before.

So I clung to God.

With everything I had.

I prayed without stopping.

I asked Him to intervene.  
To heal her.

And deep inside…  
I still believed He would.

But His plan…  
was different.

The following Saturday…  
everything changed.

It was Holy Saturday.

And that day…

God called her home.

That night,  
I didn’t sleep.

Not even a minute.

I prayed.  
Again.  
And again.

As if staying awake 
could still change something.

Around 4 a.m.…  
my phone rang.

It was one of my cousins.

His voice felt strange.  
Muted.

He said:  
“Grandma is gone.”

I got angry.

I told him not to say that.  
Not now.  
Not like that.

Because deep down…  
I knew.

But I refused.

When I hung up…  
something inside me collapsed.

Not on the outside.

Inside.

As if a part of me  
had disappeared with her.

But I didn’t fall apart.

Not right away.

I didn’t have the right.

I am the eldest.

My brothers needed me.  
My family too.

So I held on.

While everything around me  
was breaking.

My aunts were collapsing.  
Some were hospitalized.

Pain was everywhere.

And me…

I had to stay standing.

Organize.  
Decide.  
Carry.

Even saying goodbye  
had become complicated.

The lockdown made everything harder.

So I kept moving.

Like on autopilot.

I did what had to be done.

But inside…

I was fading.

I didn’t cry.  
Not yet.

Weeks went by.

And one day…

without warning…

reality caught up with me.

I picked up my phone.

Out of habit.

Like every day.

I wanted to call her. 
Talk to her.  
Tell her about my day.

Like before.

I called her…

And then…

everything stopped.

She will never answer again.

Never.

That moment…  
hit me completely.

As if everything I had held back…  
for weeks…  
exploded all at once.

I collapsed.

Completely.

Broken.  
Lost.  
Empty.

A pain I didn’t even know was possible.  
A pain that takes over everything.

That takes your breath away.  
That makes you lose your footing.

I felt alone.  
Deeply alone.

My mother wasn’t just my mother.

She was everything to me.

She was part of my everyday life.

I talked to her almost every day.

Sometimes about nothing.  
Sometimes about everything.

She knew my voice.

Even when I said I was okay…  
she knew when I wasn’t.

It was simple.  
Natural.  
Obvious.

She was there.

Always.

And without her…

there was a silence  
I didn’t know how to live with.

So the emotions took over.

And inside…

anger began to rise.

At people.  
Their words.  
Their reactions.

Sometimes their silence.

Some wanted to help…  
but didn’t understand.

And it hurt.

But most of all…

I was angry at God.

Because I trusted Him.  
Because I had prayed.  
Because I believed.

And yet…

God did not heal her.

I didn’t understand.

And I didn’t want to understand.

I kept praying.  
I kept going to church.

But deep inside…

nothing changed.

Nothing.

One Sunday…  
at church…  
they announced deaths.

Elderly people.

70 years old.
80 years old. 
90 years old. 
And more.

And my mother…

57.

I couldn’t accept it.

I walked out.

Angry.  
Crying.

I shouted at God.

I didn’t understand.

Why her?  
Why now?  
Why so soon?

And still…

silence.

Days passed.  
Weeks too.

And without even realizing it…

I fell.

Slowly.  
Silently.

Into depression.

And in the middle of that night…

I still couldn’t see any light.

“My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?
why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring?“
— Psalm 22:2 (KJV)

✦ Danielle | Germany ✦

Danielle | Germany

The pain was deep. But God was closer.

I never thought a single moment could shake
my life so deeply.

When my 22-year-old cousin and her baby passed away
during childbirth,
something deep inside me broke.

The pain didn’t come gently.
It hit me all at once — 
overwhelming .

It felt like the ground beneath my feet was suddenly gone.
Everything that had held me was gone.

I didn’t know what to hold on to anymore.

I felt empty.
Completely empty.

And I couldn’t make sense of life anymore.

In that darkness,
I found myself asking questions with no answers.

Why?
What happened?

And yet — right there,
in the middle of my pain — 
something began.

God led me to a sermon.

And one question pierced straight into my heart.

John the Baptist,
sitting in prison,
full of doubt,
sent a question to Jesus:

“Are You the one who is to come,
or should we expect someone else?”

It felt as if those words were coming
straight from my own heart.

I kept listening.

And then something happened that I will never forget.

Women stood up.
One after another.

Not perfect.
Not staged.

But real.

Living testimonies of what God had done in their lives.

And as I watched them…
something shifted inside of me.

A quiet thought suddenly became loud:

If God could do that for them…
then He can do it for me too.

In that very moment –
right in the middle of my grief –

a seed of hope was planted
in my heart.

Soft.
But real.

And right there,
God placed a desire within me:

To create a place
where such testimonies can be gathered.

A place where people can see
that God is still working today.

A place of hope.

Today I know:

God is present even in the pain.

And even when everything falls apart,
He can bring something new out of it.

“The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart;
and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.”
— Psalm 34:18 (KJV)

✦ Danielle | Germany ✦

Brenda | Germany

As everything around me seemed to fall apart,
the Lord gently wiped away my tears.

In 2022, my mother —
may she rest in peace —
suffered an ischemic stroke.

For nearly a month,
our lives revolved around hospital corridors,
medical examinations,
and endless bills that seemed impossible to pay.

Day after day,
my strength began to fade.

Physically.

Emotionally.

Financially.

Every night before falling asleep,
I kept repeating the words of Psalm 27:14:

“Wait on the Lord:
be of good courage,
and He shall strengthen thine heart:
wait, I say, on the Lord.”
— Psalm 27:14 (KJV)

That prayer became my refuge.

Deep inside,
I could feel my strength slowly slipping away.

Then came the day
when we thought my mother’s condition was finally improving.

But to my horror,
I noticed that her legs had become swollen
and bluish in color.

After examining her,
the doctor suspected thrombosis.

A Doppler ultrasound examination had to be done urgently
to confirm the diagnosis.

But when I arrived at the cashier
and heard the cost of the examination,
something inside me collapsed.

I barely had any money left.

I stood there
in front of the cashier,
unable to hold back my tears.

I cried uncontrollably.

I felt overwhelmed by everything.

By the pain.

By the fear.

By this burden
that had become too heavy
for my young shoulders to carry.

In that moment of distress,
I cried out to the Lord.

I said:

“Lord…
do You not see
that I am too young
to carry such a burden?”

Then I simply asked Him
to calm my heart
and give me the strength to keep going.

And at that very moment,

God intervened.

The cashier —
a woman in her fifties —
gently called me over and said:

“My daughter,
I do not know the trials you are going through…
but seeing you cry
touched the heart of the mother in me.

My sister is the head doctor in radiology.
I will call her for you.”

A few moments later,
thanks to this woman
whom God had placed on our path,
we were able to do the examination at almost no cost.

That day,
in the middle of my weakness,
the Lord reminded me of a truth:

God never abandons His children.

In my distress,
I lifted my eyes to the Lord,
and He sent me help.

As written in Psalm 121:

“I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills,
from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the Lord,
which made heaven and earth.”
— Psalm 121:1–2 (KJV)

A few months later,
I lost my mother.

The pain of that loss
still remains in my heart today.

But despite this trial,
I will never forget that moment.

That moment
when God once again

showed Himself faithful.

That moment
when He cared for me
through the love and compassion of a stranger —

a woman whom I still consider an angel to this day.

Even today,
I can still testify to this truth:

The Lord never abandons His children.

“Wait on the Lord: be of good courage,
and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.”
— Psalm 27:14 (KJV)

✦ Brenda | Germany ✦

Lydie | Germany

Fear, tears and an unexpected miracle.

The doctors had no more hope.
But God had the final say.

I give all the glory to God
for what He did during my pregnancy
and childbirth.

Everything began on December 1st.

I was 31 weeks pregnant
when a simple medical checkup
turned our world upside down.

From that moment on,
the news became more and more alarming.

The doctors gave us diagnosis
after diagnosis.

A concerning difference
between the baby’s head and abdomen.

Abnormal pressure in the brain.

Fluid in the stomach.

A suspicion of toxoplasmosis.

Anemia.

And then the words I feared most:

premature cesarean section.

Every day
felt heavier.

Every day
brought a new fear.

My husband and I…

we were broken.

Exhausted.
Overwhelmed.
In tears.

Every day seemed to bring another reason to fear.

There were Tears.

Emotional exhaustion.

Uncertainty.

And there was this silent fear
that never seemed to leave us.

From a human point of view…
everything seemed lost.

But in the middle of that storm…

God was there.

Silent.
But present.

He sustained me.

While everything around me
seemed to be falling apart,
He gave me a peace
I cannot explain it in human terms.

So I held on.

To His Word.

Especially to this verse:

“Be still,
and know that I am God.”
— Psalm 46:10 (KJV)

I decided to pray.

To worship.

To trust.

Even when
everything said otherwise.

And little by little…

things began to change.

Not all at once.

But slowly.

The blood pressure decreased.

The fluid in the baby’s stomach disappeared.

The results stabilized.

Where the doctors saw danger…

God was already at work.

While a premature cesarean
was being considered,

God completely turned the situation around.

And then…

I was even able to leave the hospital
and continue the monitoring from home.

And at every step…

God confirmed His faithfulness.

Then came the day
God had already placed on my heart:

37 weeks.

Exactly
as He had shown me.

Labor began.

Fast.

Intense.

At 8 centimeters dilated,
everything accelerated.

The pain was there.
But so was God.

He strengthened me.

And I gave birth.

Naturally.

Without complications.

Today…

my daughter is 2 years old.

And she is perfectly healthy.

What the doctors had called risky—
even impossible…

God transformed it.

Into a testimony.

Of His power.

Yes…

God is faithful.

He heals.
He restores.
He turns things around.

Through this trial…

He taught me
to depend completely on Him.

He taught me
to trust Him.

Even when
everything seemed lost.

Even when
everything said otherwise.

To Him alone be all the glory.

“Be still,
and know that I am God.”
— Psalm 46,10 (KJV)

✦ Lydie | Germany ✦